The Consulting Writer

aka The Frazzled Mom

Uninvited: The Cycle of Rejection

Reading through the first few chapters of Uninvited, one of the things that came to my mind was the cycle to rejection, a never-ending loop.

  1. I think or feel rejected or unloved. A situation or individual’s actions caused me to feel this way.
  2. I chose, or continue to choose, to allow those thoughts and feelings to control me. And I add to the story.
  3. I react by rejecting those that rejected me, rejecting others that I fear might reject me or try harder to please everyone (which is impossible).
  4. I’m back to thinking and feeling unloved and rejected, unworthy and so on…

It’s a loop or as I see it, a spiral downward, like a whirlpool. Unless we have the help, unless we are equipped, we may never be able to break the cycle. What’s the worse that could happen? Depression is what I immediately think of. And from depression, there’s the potential for self-harm.

In a book I’d read recently, a young girl, going through High School, is faced with situations that start her on that cycle of rejection. Rather than seeking out help, real help, she relies on those that rejected her, to make them accountable to make things right. She creates audio tapes mapping out all of the hurt and rejection, all of the reasons why she ended up feeling worthless and why she eventually decided to take her own life. In essence, she sticks it to them, serving them a huge dose of hurt and rejection in payment for what they’d done to her. The author may have intended for the character to make it more of a life lesson, to have those people learn from their mistakes, but that’s not how it came across to me.

In the Uninvited book, Lisa tells us about a woman in her gym that she was convinced hated her:

I remember when I was sure that a lady at the gym hated me. She had been working out on the machine beside me when she suddenly abandoned her elliptical and huffed over to the treadmill. Apparently I had gotten on her last good nerve. But then one day, she smiled at me. Like a real smile… almost as if she was wanting to encourage me.  Suddenly I realized she had no crazy feelings toward me at all. It had all been a perception thing on my part.

So many times we assign thoughts to others that they never actually think. We hold them accountable to harsh judgments they never make. And we own a rejection from them they never gave us.

Lisa explains that in order to deal with our feelings of rejection, it isn’t as simple as saying, “I’m worth it. I deserved love!” What’s that saying? Fake it ’til you make it? It isn’t a matter of tricking our hearts into believing we deserve love. It’s coming to the realization that we were created by God because He loved us.  His love and affection doesn’t change based on our accomplishments, our looks, our skills, intelligence, our gender, our sins, and on and on. He just….loves us.

Once that begins to sink in, once we truly accept that, we can begin to heal from past rejections. That love will interrupt the cycle and set us free.


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This entry was posted on June 8, 2017 by in Adult Bible Study and tagged , , .
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