The Consulting Writer

aka The Frazzled Mom

UGH! Dead Men Tell No Tales Wasn’t All A Dream (more like a nightmare)


I suppose I’m a little late on seeing this movie…to the point that there’s no real purpose to “reviewing” other than to use it as an opportunity to vent. So here I am…venting. Before I begin, let me start by saying I liked Captain Salazar. Ok, now on to the venting…

The one and only reason I’ve stuck to the Disney Pirates movies has been for one character: Captain Hector Barbossa. If you don’t understand why, or think Jack Sparrow is a better character, let me explain why I wholeheartedly disagree. During the course of these five films, we’ve seen a change in character, as in actual growth. Unlike Jack, who remains the same, even in this last film, Barbossa changes. From the typical pirate ride at Disneyland, Barbossa was introduced as the familiar “bloomn’ cockroaches” yelling pirate.

  • In the first movie, we find he isn’t actually the typical pirate as we all had judged by his looks. He seems to hold himself to a certain standard, though that standard is questionable most of the time. He follows the code of parlay and treats the lady on board as in the fashion of a gentleman…as long as it benefits him.
  • He thinks himself higher in status than those around him, no doubt because he is intelligent and *cough* arrogant. Possibly educated to some degree. How else would he know of words like “disinclined” and “acquiesce”.
  • Barbossa is cunning. I suppose this could be seen as in typical pirate fashion. He makes deals, purposefully leaving out terms in agreements in order to, once again, benefit him. And he has been known to follow those accords…though he’s also been known to break them.
  • He’s skilled with two blades. Barbossa can switch from left to right hand in a sword fight. Or he can use both. He’s also a fairly good shot. I mean, he’s never missed that I’ve noticed.
  • I’m going to stop there, but you get the idea. He’s an entertaining character from the start. And while the captain was a villain in the first film, he’s grown since then. By the way, in my mind, he’ll always be the true captain of the Wicked Wench/Black Pearl.


In Dead Men Tell No Tales, I knew it was going to happen. From the moment I’d read rumors about the possibility of a daughter, I knew his time was close to an end. And, in true Armageddon fashion (see the movie), Barbossa needlessly sacrifices himself for his daughter. Why? Because Heaven forbid that Jack Sparrow do anything…anything at all, even though this was his problem to solve. *sigh* I’m so tired of that character. No offense to Depp, but I really don’t like Sparrow. I mean, sure, he was entertaining in the first movie, but honestly, I think it’s the characters around him that make him entertaining. Like when he pulls off a stupid stunt that should have killed him and we see Barbossa dramatically roll his eyes. We are right there with him. I’d thought it was the banter between Sparrow and Barbossa that kept me in the franchise. But seeing this last film made me realize, it was solely Barbossa. Like nostalgia, he was a link to my childhood and one of my favorite rides: the Pirates of the Caribbean. Captain Barbossa’s death killed that connection.

Knowing it was coming, and then seeing it happen on screen…like a punctured lung the air was sucked out of me…like the wind knocked out of my sails (heh, see what I did there?). Perhaps that’s why I’m annoyed with the movie. I was done with it before it ended. I didn’t care about Sparrow. I didn’t care about what’s-his-face. I didn’t care about Turner. I’m finished with the franchise. Will there be another film? I don’t care. Sorry, but even Bill Nighy’s Davy Jones won’t pull me back in (that’s saying alot ’cause I like Nighy).

And before anyone says it, no, they can’t bring him back. That would be lame. It was different after the first film. What does sacrifice mean if one can just live through it? It’s not sacrifice at all.

I’m sure by this point, if my friend is reading this post, she’s giggling with glee…just as she does when she teases me about Captain Hook.  😛

Final thought: to see another movie where it’s primarily Jack Sparrow? I’d rather been keelhauled. 

lol, okay…I’m  being a bit dramatic, but that’s what the Internet is for, right??


One comment on “UGH! Dead Men Tell No Tales Wasn’t All A Dream (more like a nightmare)

  1. ichabod2014ic
    June 17, 2017

    They should have stopped with the first film. My friends get mad when I say that, but I have been saying it since the second movie.

    Liked by 1 person

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This entry was posted on June 16, 2017 by in Daily Prompt, Daily Ramblings and tagged , , , .
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