M is for Movies I Know Nothing About

My husband has officially revoked my license to pick movies based on the “gems” I’ve obtained. Unfortunately, for him, I don’t abide but such rules or restrictions. To quote him, “I follow no man.” With that said, here are five reasons why he doesn’t want me to place DVDs on hold at our local library.

Werewolves of the Third Reich

Truth be told, I already knew going in that this was going to be a cheesy movie. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure that out from the title alone. But still, it could be awful B movie fun, right?

…….

Nope. Sorry to say, for those that were involved in this production, but the movie felt like it was done on a college campus as a group project for class. The instructor might have given them high marks for special effects. That’s it. For a while there, I was wondering why the title was even plural. I believe you said there’d be werewolves?

The Snowman

When I see a big name, like Michael Fassbender, though I’m not really a fan of his, I recognize he’s been in some fairly big films. I mean…Alien: Covenant is big right? Pfft, don’t get me started on that movie. Maybe Fassbender should have played Data and Lore in ST: TNG. Oh wait, he did….in Alien: Covenant. He chose to be called David and Walter. *siiiiiiiiiiigh* I’m not saying his acting was bad. More like the writing was lame.

I digress…

After watching the gem that is Werewolves of the Third Reich, I began to question my own judgment in movies. So I decided to look up the reviews. Let me offer some advice. Don’t look up reviews. Just don’t. If you’re curious, watch the movie. Ignore the haters. Why? Because after reading multiple (and rather amusing) reviews on The Snowman, I began to dread watching it.

But we did. And honestly, it wasn’t as bad as most seemed to make it out. Sure, things were changed from the book, down to how they pronounced the character’s name. Fassbender looking mildly annoyed throughout the movie? I think his character was having some internal conflicts. And the snowman? Ok, the first one looked like “meh”. I mean, literally. His face was 😐 but the rest of the movie was not meh and neither were the murdered victims.

So I was sort of redeemed by this movie.

I did fall asleep towards the end a little when the murderer as fighting with Fassbender’s character. Don’t let that be a judge on the quality of the film. Honestly, I’ve fallen asleep through Blade 2, The Watchmen, Attack of the Clones (or was it Revenge of the Sith?), The Gunslinger…and on and on.

Just don’t go into this movie thinking it’s some supernatural horror type movie. It’s just a straight murder mystery.

 

Bullet Head

John Malkovich always gets my attention. With him and Antonio Banderas? Let’s watch it! Oh, yeah, Adrian Brody was in it as well. Again, I thought with the star power and the idea of an evil dog would have made for an exciting movie. But this isn’t a horror movie. Ultimately, for a dog lover, it’s kind of sad.

So I was again redeemed, a little, by this movie choice! Until…

Singularity

Who made this movie? Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.

John Cusack is in this movie. I was bamboozled as I discovered his scenes were done after the main filming of the movie. Why does that make a difference? You can feel it in each scene cut and paste in, like an afterthought. There were sooooo many plot holes in this movie that after a while we just didn’t care about the end. Oh, we watched it all, like struggling through the last mile of a marathon where your body says “Quit!” but your brain pushes you on to the finish line. Except, in this case, there was no reward. Rather, just the unspoken plea to never make a sequel despite it being set up for one.

And thus, thanks to the Werewolves and robots of Singularity, my movie picking privileges have been revoked. Pffft. We still have more!

-Revolt (aliens!)

-The Commuter (Liam Neeson!)

-The Beyond (robots, wormholes, and the void, oh my!)

-Battalion (uh…more aliens?)